I can usually read my body like a book, but I don't recognize the signs right now.

Signs

I've been analyzing every signal my body gives me, waiting for a clue or sign that will tell me which road I have been walking down for the past two weeks. Every twinge and cramp warrants inspection and classification.

Do my breasts feel larger?

Is that more saliva than normal?

Am I nauseated, or just anxious?

I feel tired for no reason. I feel worn thin. I feel unable to face day-to-day challenges. If these are signs of the normal changes my body makes, rather than a new one, it is unfair that at such an unbalanced time I will need to balance my emotions.

I was trying not to get my heart set on something I couldn't control, but the moment of truth is getting closer and I am questioning if I am strong enough to deal with disappointment. Patience has never been my virtue, and it feels especially far away from me now.

A New Idea

I'm dipping my foot in the water, testing out a new idea. I'm trying it on for size. Reading some books, changing some habits. I'm trying to decide if I'm ready for this, but in truth my body has already decided for me. My body knows if change is coming or if we'll continue on in the same old way. My body knows, but it's not ready to fill me in yet. I have just a little more time to keep pretending and experimenting with an idea before that idea becomes a very real, very present part of my life.